New Workers

My days have slowly gotten better, and I am glad for that. I think it helps that a couple of the people that were once working at this hotel have been let go. They were quite negative themselves, and their absence has served me with joy.

The replacements that have come in are bright and cheerful, which I greatly appreciate. I am not sure if that is who they really are or if the kind will wear off with time considering this is a brand new job for them, but I won't bother myself with finding the answer. I am just enjoying their company.

Both of the new front desk people and the new housekeepers have listened to my story now, and I hope they find their way to Feel Bach, for I always brag on the diet tea. I, myself, am still suprised at my results, and everyone else seems to have big reactions when I chat with them. I am more motivated now than ever to keep the weight off, and I suppose that rubs off on others when I speak about my journey with such passion.

Autumn

The mums are out front, scarecrows made of course fabric line the walls, and pumpkins, spice or otherwise, have made their debut. My hotel overnight has gone from summer flowers to a homey, warm display of Fall and everything the season has to offer. Even pumpkin spice waffle mix replaced strawberry in the breakfast canister.

While I am still very uneasy in this place, the decorations alone have improved my morale by heaps.

Some Days a Diamond, Some Days a Rock.

I wish things would even out in my mind. I have been having some relatively good days scattered here and there, but the bad days are worse.

Fortunately, I have some stable things in my life. Karen will always be at front desk 7 o'clock sharp, tea will always be hot, and my little praying mantis friend will always come back to my windowsill. While these things seem quite trivial, I can assure you that as simple as they may be, these few things will keep me from going back off the deep end.

I feel as though I am coming around from this last depressive episode. I would apologize for my sad content, but everyone has their moments, myself included. What I am sorry for, however; is the long break I have taken between this blog and the last. Living in a hotel has its perks, really.

It also has its downfalls. Specifically, it gets very boring. So painfully boring that there is little to be told. 'Oh hey, guys, I drank some tea today and the time in between was spent in a single room inside a dingy, run-of-the-mill hotel.'? It just didn't strike me as the sort of thing worth noting.

What is worth noting is this: I am 280.3 pounds! Another almost ten pounds gone. I am moving around much better than I was at the start. Even basic things like using the bathroom and putting on socks have become easier. I never really noticed I struggled with these things until I didn't.. If that makes sense? In any case, I am seeing results. All thanks to Diet Bach Tea.

Despite Depression

Despite feeling so down recently, I had a really great long holiday weekend. My boyfriend was able to be here with me longer than usual, so I wasn't totally alone during the days. Just being with someone else helped to remedy my sadness; in fact, having him with me actually made me feel overjoyed. I miss him so much when he works ridiculous hours.

I also turned a couple more people on to Diet Bach Tea, letting them try tastes of it brewed and showing them photos of me from before I started. They all seemed very impressed and eager to look up Feel Bach online.

Overall, I am feeling much better now and this sense of accomplishment has carried over from yesterday to today. Several people I talked with complimented me and boosted my self confidence wildly.

Laundry Up to My Ears

Due to the lack of motivation and the well of depression I've toppled into, I have been ignoring the growing pile of laundry accumulating under the sink in my bathroom. Finally, I decided to get out of bed while the world is quiet and get it all washed up at my own pace. It took two tote-loads full to bring it all downstairs, and after sorting, it looks like I've got twelve loads of laundry to do tonight.

Some would find this agitating, but I definitely did this to myself. In attempt to look at the bright side, I am viewing this night as more private healing time.

There is no one else to be found in the eerily quiet halls of my hotel, so I brought down a bunch of my things and sort of set up shop in the guest laundry room. I've got badger balms, a coloring book, colored pencils, and some cashews for snacks. Hopefully these things will help me to feel better soon.

But I do keep saying that, don't I? I know, I know. I just continue to hope that I do start feeling better. Unfortunately, it hasn't happened yet. I would love to pawn this off on the unknown or being unsure, but I know exactly why I feel this way. This job shouldn't last too much longer for my significant other, though. I am optimistic about the next move. I am sure it will take us somewhere that allows me to be more myself, happier than now.

On top of being desperately lonesome, I am almost certain that my mother having serious health issues far away from me isn't putting any ease on my mind. Oh, and it is nearly my father's birthday. I always do miss everything happening near home.

Well, as much as I want it to, the laundry won't wash itself. I will post another update soon.